From Eddie Izzard’s standup show Dress to Kill. Some of these things might be true.
1. No one in the universe has read the terms and conditions of an iTunes update
2. An action transvestite, or male lesbian, is different than a drag queen
3. Americans can survive in Europe by (1) pretending to be Canadian and (2) saying “Shaggy and Scooby”
4. Easter eggs are chocolate because the brown represents the wood of the cross
5. England purposely fails at the Olympics in objection to the anthem and the Queen
6. America is the new Roman Empire
7. Anthrax was designed to kill cows, so if you want anthrax by mail order, pretend to be a suicidal cow
8. If a woman falls over wearing heals, it’s embarrassing. If a bloke falls over wearing heals, you have to kill yourself.
9. 50 times as many Russians died in WWII than America or Britain, but no one talks about it.
10. Babies taste like chicken.
If you’ve enjoyed this post, I cannot recommend enough this post about Dress to Kill.